When I was set to marry the man of my dreams I became paralyzed with fear that he would die. I know this sounds irrational, extreme, even crazy! My friend had been widowed in her twenties, another friend had just lost his wife and when I was 16 my brother told me something that stuck with me. My brother's best friend was killed in a motorcycle accident and he told me "you can't love anything too much or you will lose it". It seemed to be true and here was this man who wanted to marry me and I wanted to marry him and this cruel universe was going to tear us apart. If he was a few minutes late from work I would start my plan of calling hospitals to see if he was there (this was all pre-cell phones because we are O.L.D.).
Finally, a moment of inspiration came to me. I had been taught to work out my demons with art and one of the ways I was taught was to look at artifacts from my culture. I had always looked to my german descendants for inspiration but this time I looked to my Mexican culture and found Dia de los Muertos (the day of the dead). The first day is November 1 for children and infants who have passed and November 2 is a day to remember adults we have lost. You see, these days are not days for gore or scariness like Halloween. It is a day to reflect; a day when the fabric that separates the living from the loved ones who have passed on becomes so thin that you can feel them, at least in faith, the closest they can be since they passed.
I began to recreate our wedding party in larger than life skeletons made of plaster. I found great comfort in the notion that if I did lose my husband I would be able to go on and would be able to commune with him on those days, and throughout the year. I began to be able to breath again and didn't panic quite so much when he was late.
I got my first exhibition in November of 2004, ironically just after passing of my friend, Biker Steve. It was the first time I had ever lost a friend and it hurt in a way I never imagined possible. He passed 5 or 6 days before the opening of my solo installation at the Harwood Art Center near Downtown Albuquerque. My living friends came out in full force to get me through the event. The following November, 2005, my friend, Barbara, was kidnapped and burned alive in the trunk of her car. I can't express to you the depths of my sorrow. This was my first murder and it was horrific and totally senseless. The next November 2006, my daughter was diagnosed with a life threatening form of epilepsy and I faced the very real possibility of burying a child.
This time of year has become a time or reflection for me to commune with the friends and loved ones who have passed. I cry as loud and hard as I need to or to laugh and rejoice as much as I want to. I love that this tradition doesn't put a time limit on my grief. I can miss someone I never met because they died long ago. This time gives me the space I need to feel the hurt and to embrace the spirits that still walk with me. This year I made an alter or ofrenda that is a bride and groom holding a small child. On the altar are miniature ofrendas for made by myself and friends and family. These are little representations of who the people were in life and how they should be remembered. This can also be a time to reflect on loss so I will include an image of my daughter's brain with half of it missing and my mother and father are doing an ofrenda for the leg that he had amputated in August.
I have also made a ton of paper marigold flowers. Marigolds are believed to guide the spirits back to this realm with their pungent aroma. I found a very simple tutorial on youtube that included a link to a template that made it very easy and enjoyable to do.
I have made about 50 gold medallions that will hold the names of loved ones of my friends and family and will be placed around the neck of either the bride, the groom, or the child. In Mexico, it is custom to put a medallion or some type of necklace with the name of your loved one on the statues of saints in your local cathedral.
Finally, I have finished the altar with sugar skulls baring the names of loved ones. The sugar skulls are treats for the loved ones and can also be to entice their soals to come near. They are decorated with bright colors of royal icing, foil paper, and sequins. I got a mold when Que Chula was going out of business and have perfected my process of making them and decorating them for the last three years.
This year I am going to try out selling the sugar skulls at the opening for the South Broadway Cultural Center Dia de los Muertos celebration and I may also have a booth for the Marigold Parade.
I invite you to give it a try. Give yourself permission to miss the loved ones and to create a space for their spirits to draw near.
What a perfectly New Mexican tradtion!
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| Wedding Party, 2004, Mixed Media |
I began to recreate our wedding party in larger than life skeletons made of plaster. I found great comfort in the notion that if I did lose my husband I would be able to go on and would be able to commune with him on those days, and throughout the year. I began to be able to breath again and didn't panic quite so much when he was late.
I got my first exhibition in November of 2004, ironically just after passing of my friend, Biker Steve. It was the first time I had ever lost a friend and it hurt in a way I never imagined possible. He passed 5 or 6 days before the opening of my solo installation at the Harwood Art Center near Downtown Albuquerque. My living friends came out in full force to get me through the event. The following November, 2005, my friend, Barbara, was kidnapped and burned alive in the trunk of her car. I can't express to you the depths of my sorrow. This was my first murder and it was horrific and totally senseless. The next November 2006, my daughter was diagnosed with a life threatening form of epilepsy and I faced the very real possibility of burying a child.
This time of year has become a time or reflection for me to commune with the friends and loved ones who have passed. I cry as loud and hard as I need to or to laugh and rejoice as much as I want to. I love that this tradition doesn't put a time limit on my grief. I can miss someone I never met because they died long ago. This time gives me the space I need to feel the hurt and to embrace the spirits that still walk with me. This year I made an alter or ofrenda that is a bride and groom holding a small child. On the altar are miniature ofrendas for made by myself and friends and family. These are little representations of who the people were in life and how they should be remembered. This can also be a time to reflect on loss so I will include an image of my daughter's brain with half of it missing and my mother and father are doing an ofrenda for the leg that he had amputated in August.I have also made a ton of paper marigold flowers. Marigolds are believed to guide the spirits back to this realm with their pungent aroma. I found a very simple tutorial on youtube that included a link to a template that made it very easy and enjoyable to do.
I have made about 50 gold medallions that will hold the names of loved ones of my friends and family and will be placed around the neck of either the bride, the groom, or the child. In Mexico, it is custom to put a medallion or some type of necklace with the name of your loved one on the statues of saints in your local cathedral.
Finally, I have finished the altar with sugar skulls baring the names of loved ones. The sugar skulls are treats for the loved ones and can also be to entice their soals to come near. They are decorated with bright colors of royal icing, foil paper, and sequins. I got a mold when Que Chula was going out of business and have perfected my process of making them and decorating them for the last three years.
This year I am going to try out selling the sugar skulls at the opening for the South Broadway Cultural Center Dia de los Muertos celebration and I may also have a booth for the Marigold Parade.
I invite you to give it a try. Give yourself permission to miss the loved ones and to create a space for their spirits to draw near.
What a perfectly New Mexican tradtion!
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